Like A Giant Tree

Isn't it amazing how you can be close to someone, but not CLOSE to them? My family is all around me. We are close in proximity; the vast majority of them are only about 20 minutes away. Still, I am not very close to my family. Outside of my immediate family, the emotional connection is minimal and sadly, I only see their faces during birthdays, holidays...or deaths. My grandfather passed one week ago today, my Dad's father. Family members I haven't heard from in years have reappeared. And while it always great to see a familiar face, I long for the day their presence is always present, the details of their lives are always known to me and their whereabouts never a mystery.

The string of family is so precious and I'm guilty that often times I don't realize it until a life is born in to this world or when a life is lost. My second cousin and his visited yesterday from Dayton, OH. I had never met them before. Talk about two people with such warm hearts and a fulfilling testimony. They have been married 30+ years when they were both 17 years old! Oh to have longevity, vitality and sustainability like that! Though it was my first time meeting them, immediately a familiar spirit was in the room. My cousin, along with my Dad, shared memories of them growing up, visiting each other between Ohio and North Carolina when they were young men. They revealed family secrets (yup, we got 'em!), delved into family history and told personal testimonies that make them who they are today. All the while, my grandmother who lost her husband only seven days ago listened intently. She didn't say much at all but when she did, the room grew silent, our eyes pierced at the words of one of the oldest living matriarchs of our family. Her words were simple. They are words I've heard many times, yet they made my temperature rise with goose bumps: "My husband's gone...but that's alright, I'll see him again. My Mommy and Daddy told me a long time ago to always depend on God...so I'm holding on to Him until He comes back again, just like he said He would!"

Those precious hours spent with my cousins, parents and grandmother is a day I will forever remember in my mind and heart. It is days like this I long for to have on a regular basis with ALL my family. Our family tree is as vast, tall and as full of life as the maple itself. Its roots grow deep and its branches stretch high. Limbs break and leaves fall. But it's those roots that are so stubbornly tangled into the depths of the dirt below us that maintain the vibrancy of the family. I hope to tell my story...not just on an occasional holiday but every day, always.

Today's reflection: Somber.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Sometimes they're up, sometimes they're down. Sometimes, I'm sure of what God has said to me; other times I second guess what I heard. At times, I'm at peace with my situation (I was recently laid off). Other times, I'm frustrated; tired of searching through multiple websites, signing into numerous career websites looking for new employment. I'm hesistant to make plans that are beyond the time when my severance package end. Normally, holiday season gets me excited. Now? Things seem so unsure that I can hardly catch air long enough to think about it. Can I keep it real? Ok, good. Sometimes, I'm confused. God, please help me. Teach me how to trust you. Teach me how to depend on you. Because, right now, I don't know what to do. That is all.

Today's reflection: Confused.