Conquering Blank Pages

I'm in for the long haul.

I'm in the second week of pursuing an arduous task. I am writing a book. It's National Novel Writing Month. The task is to write 50,000 words from November 1-30. (www.nanowrimo.org).

I've always had a story to tell. I've had the character, her background and plight all embedded in my memory. Now is as perfect time as any. My recent layoff has left me with an adequate amount of time to dedicate to developing my character's story into a credible piece of literature...or, so I thought.

You know how it is...you start a new workout or diet and the first week is great! You're all gung ho and throw yourself into it full force. You tell everyone about your new endeavor and may even enlist others to join you in the new journey. When the first week ends, you're excited and self-confident, knowing you're ready to go through with whatever.

Then, week two sets in. Suddenly, life is moving rapidly. Time-management is out the door. Everything that you set out to do has not been done. You're new endeavor is placed on the back burner and you wonder if you're ever going to be able to get back on pace. Yup, that's me at the moment. Aside from conquering these blank pages, I have my daughter (who has been home with me all week. Can we say OVERLOAD on The Backyardigans??!!), a class online for my Master's program and two other miscellaneous editing projects. This is full-time work without payment! Not to mention an overdue doctor's appointment and other random things to do that weren't originally on the to-do list but suddenly must be done. Therefore, for the last few days my story, my novel, my literary masterpiece as I like to call it, has been dissed, set aside and swept under the rug. True, I hit my 10,000 word mark (about 35 pages) yesterday, an amazing feat and accomplishment. But, that still means I'm about 2 1/2 days behind on my word count. A few days ago, I even considered putting a short-term hold on finishing it. I started to panic. I looked at my bills versus my bank account, my savings and the reality that I haven't been called for job interview since this unemployment journey began in October. I began to try and talk myself out of conquering this task, convinced this wasn't the right time and that I had fallen too far behind to catch up. I began to second-guess my storyline and found myself going back edit and proofread, instead of writing first from my heart.

At this moment, I am reminded of two things:

1) Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

2) The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. (Ecclesiastes 9:11)

Have you ever read a book and became entagled in the story? All together sympathetic, enraged, angry, softened and excited for the character from the book's beginning to its end? If you answered yes to this question, you should be even more excited to experience those emotions all over again!
Did you answer no? Ok, good. That's the book I'll write. I'm writing it for you.

My next 40,000 words are more than some unpublished story I've kept tucked away for years. It's the beginning of turning my passion into profit. It's another goal accomplished, another piece of myself to leave with my daughter and another book that may just inspire someone else. All reasons why I can't quit, won't quit. I'll continue to push through to my blank pages. Truthfully, it's all good and all God.

I might just even start that Insanity workout...again.

Today's Reflection: Ready for the world!

Pretending To Be Superman

I woke up with a scratchy throat. Credit can be given to the weather change in Ohio we all knew was coming but were too much in denial to accept. When I got out of the bed I turned on the lamp and looked to my right. Immediately, my eyes focused on the basket of clothes I neglected to fold and put away the day before. I then noticed a box in the corner. A shelving unit for my daughter that needs to be assembled...it has been calling my name for three weeks now. But those things have to wait. I got the kid up, helped her dress and brush her teeth and put breakfast in her stomach...off to school she went. And me? I'm off to do the other meticulous things that keep our present secure and our future promising.

"People say I walk around like a got an 'S' on my chest."

This is popular quote attributed to 50 Cent off his 2003 hit What Up Gangsta.
It's a quote I attribute to myself sometimes when I'm feeling especially confident about the many hats I balance. Anytime I accomplish expertly balancing my life, its turns and twists, unexpected and expected dips and digs, I feel like Clark Kent. After all, Clark Kent was a master at balancing acts. He had two lives, a reporter by day and a superhero by night. He flew away to save lives, still able to meet deadlines at his day job. His life was fast-paced, deadline driven and his schedule tight. But he got it done, with style and flair, no hair misplaced. No wonder why we sometimes attribute these skills to ourselves. Superman was pretty fly!

The truth is...

I have no real super powers. I get anxious, nervous and fearful. I procrastinate (I think I mentioned this before). I find it hard to prioritize and often times feel overwhelmed.

The truth is...

Teamwork makes the dream work. My Dream Team keeps me moving. This includes the group of people that keep me sane, allow mine and my daughter's life to run like a well-oiled machine. This team includes family, church family, close friend, teachers, doctors, etc., etc.

The truth is...

I can do nothing without the help of someone else. Further, I can do noting apart from God. Without him, I fail but with His help I can be Superwoman, fighting might forces that try to weigh me down, protecting my territory, seeing through others' schemes, lies and deception and flying high in spite of my situations.

I can't quote that 50 Cent line without reminding myself that I don't walk this journey alone nor do I make things happen with my own strength. Without God and the people He has strategically placed in my life, my Superman stunts are all pretend and my balancing act would stagger and fall. So, shout out to God who gives me the ability to pretend like I'm Superman.

Today's reflection: Confident.