DEUCES to 2010!

This time last year, I was coasting. I had accepted a promotion at my job and was preparing for new things ahead of me. The end of the year ended with a clear vision of what was in store for me. Little did I know, God had other plans.

I had highs and lows. My promotion did not last a year and my walking papers came in October. A company that was in a hiring frenzy the year before had displaced 150 workers--our jobs outsourced to lower-wage paying workers tens of thousands of miles away in The Philippines. I went from in contract to buy my first home to a stagnant snails place--applying for jobs and telling myself that maybe next year will be my year for a my first home.

So, this December I find myself with no clear direction. I am not sure where I'll be in three months and have no concrete job possibilities on my horizon. But instead of being scared, I'm excited. Fear doesn't capsulate me, hope surrounds me. Sure, I'm a single mother, I have daughter who solely depends on me to support her emotionally, spiritually, financially and academically. The old me might cry every night, followed by hours upon hours of worrying about things I can't change instead of focusing my energy, tears and good sense on the things that are within my control to change. Well, Thank God I'm a new me!

In 2011, I'm not doing the worrying thing. Instead I'll do the trusting God thing.

I'm excited about 2011. I'm excited that God has given me an opportunity to pursue the desires he's given me in a unique way. What better time for me to write a book--a dream I've been sitting on for years but not enough time, energy, ideas and whatever other excuses I could think of to NOT push forward.

It was suggested to me by my mother (she's so smart!) to make a "Casting All My Cares" list. The title is based on the scripture 1 Peter 5:6-7 that reads, "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."

The idea is to write down all of your cares, desires, hopes, aspirations, goals--then (this is the key) give it to God to handle, work out, take care of, etc. My list includes goals like traveling more, publishing my writing, better financial management and closer, consistent communication with close friends. Mine also has two columns. One column is cares I have for myself and the other side is cares I have for family and friends.

History has shown that when I leave circumstances to my own interpretation and attempt to work them out, I failed or faltered miserably--and sometimes repeat the same actions hoping to get a different result. I can't let history repeat itself in that way. I must entrust my present to the one who knows my future.

What are your cares and desires in 2011? Make a "Casting All My Cares" list. Take it a step further and make a vision board for your life. I got this idea from a friend of mine who is creating a visual picture of what she hopes her life will look like this year. Yup, I've got a scriptural reference for this too! Habakkuk 2:2-3 says, "Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."

So, I'm writing it down and making it plain!

In 2011 I'm not worrying...I'm trusting God. DEUCES to 2010!

On My Radio: India Arie, Again.

I Am Ready For Love?

I'm not picky. I'm not the girl who has a list of 100 things a man must have in order to be "my type." I don't read relationship self-help books nor have I been fully baptized into Steve Harvey's theories in his book "Act Like A Woman, Think Like A Man." I'm simple, low-maintenance and believe it's the little things in life that fulfill us. I like most sports, namely football and all types of music. I sound pretty cool, right? Lol. I think so!

The above sounds like a well-written and convincing profile on match.com so I'll wrap it up.

Love is simple and complex; bitter and sweet; beautifully complicated. It makes you fearful and happy all in one breath. It can make you want to go slow and speed up at the same time. The very core of it makes your heart beat a million times fast while trying to relish slowly in the moment.

I often ask myself if I'm really ready for all that.

Love defined can be found in any bible, New Testament:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."

I've come to know and understand that you should never ask of someone what you are not willing to do or be yourself. I also believe that you attract the person you are. People want it but can't be it. The can dish it but can't take it. Can I be patient and kind? Can I forgive, dismiss pride? Can I trust? I'd like to think so. I've done it before. I've also been hurt before. I've let down my guard, sometimes quickly, other times slowly, and still been hurt. And, yup, I've been bitter, writing off love as an unattainable fairy tale that only some are destined to reach. But isn't it funny how after the bitter phase is over, we still long for the feeling of being loved? We erase from our minds the gut-wrenching emptiness we feel when someone we loved has hurt us and fully download to our memories the climactic feeling we lavished in when it was all good.

I have found myself there lately, longing for the feeling I see in the faces of my girlfriends as they walk down the aisle to meet their groom. I'm excited about the day God's grace will shine upon me so favorably that I'll blink a million and one times to force back the tears. Until that time, I'll love God first, knowing he is the true center of my joy, unmistakably able to fill me up like no man can or will. I'll let Him be my Lord AND Savior, guiding me and correcting along the way until He's found one suitable for me. Please God, hurry up! Lol. Tonight, I'll pray for patience... ;)

Today's reflection: Anxious