I was talking to a friend this morning who was giving me not so good news about her relationship. She went on to say that her boyfriend's actions have always show her the opposite of what his words said. She said she wanted to tell him that she was done but she didn't feel strong enough to do so. She also said that this might be the best she could get and she should just "settle" for him. I started to encourage her.
When my friend used the word "settling," I was shocked. My friend is a business owner, a wonderful mother, and all around one of the most giving people I know. When you expect the best for your children, your job, your education, why do some women settle in their personal and romantic lives? I've been there (See my previous post). Thankfully, I'm smarter, wiser and work to stay connected with God. So, here's three things I told her...it's a good reminder for myself and will hopefully help someone else too.
1. Every relationship is a decision. You choose to enter a relationship, to stay, to leave, to be happy or to wallow in unhappiness. You know how you want to be treated and how you should be treated. Don't lower your standards. Settling???!!! Nah, I'll be late for that!
2. There is nothing to fear but fear itself. Many times, we don't see a way out. Remember, faith and fear have this in common: they both require the fear of the unknown. If what you're doing is not getting good results, try something new! Then--have faith that you'll get the results you want!
3. You're not alone. This chapter in your story is not one that someone before you has lived. Nor, is it a chapter someone after you will live. Because someone lived with your pain, there's always someone who lived through your pain. There's always a blessing on the other side. Be courageous enough to see what happens when you cross the line.
Today's reflection: Confident!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Get Your Mind Right!
"As a man thinks in his heart, so is he." Proverbs 23:7
Nine simple words with such power. It's true what people say, that words have power. But beyond the power of the spoken word is the battle we go through in our minds. Many times, thoughts we have in our minds, memories we hold on to of negative words people have said against us, all those things may never be audibly spoken but will mentally and psychologically weight us down. Our thoughts can be just as as powerful, just as hindering or fulfilling as the words we speak. Change starts in the mind.
Let me give you a personal example. About 3 1/2 years ago, I found myself in an emotional turmoil. I had made decisions (namely about romantic relationships) that compromised who I was as a woman. I was living a reality I never intended for myself and could not see past my present situations. My thoughts were full of self-pity, resentment and even depression. It did not feel worthy of love. I felt my past would always haunt me; there was no redemption in sight. I was so consumed with the hurt I was feeling, I didn't know how to make things right. I began to make more decisions that lead me to an even darker place. It was then I picked up a book by Joyce Meyers titled "The Battlefield of the Mind." In it, Meyers explores the power of your thoughts and how negative assumptions, unforgiveness, past pain, even words spoken against can lead you to believe certain things about yourself. In turn, your actions and reactions play off of those thoughts.
Luckily for us, The Bible gives us a framework on how to think:
"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is pure, whatever is commendable; if there is anything of excellence or if there is anything praiseworthy--think on these things." (Philippians 4:8)
Thankfully, I came out of that place. But not everyone does.
What are your thoughts saying about your present self or your future self? Or, are your thoughts dwelling on past hurts, past relationships now broken, past sufferings--perhaps even past celebrations? If so, practice training your mind on positive things. Anyone can tell you you're beautiful, talented, amazing, caring or loving. But if you don't believe those things in your mind, your actions will be limited.
I present a challenge to you---the same challenge I present to myself DAILY: Get your mind right!
Nine simple words with such power. It's true what people say, that words have power. But beyond the power of the spoken word is the battle we go through in our minds. Many times, thoughts we have in our minds, memories we hold on to of negative words people have said against us, all those things may never be audibly spoken but will mentally and psychologically weight us down. Our thoughts can be just as as powerful, just as hindering or fulfilling as the words we speak. Change starts in the mind.
Let me give you a personal example. About 3 1/2 years ago, I found myself in an emotional turmoil. I had made decisions (namely about romantic relationships) that compromised who I was as a woman. I was living a reality I never intended for myself and could not see past my present situations. My thoughts were full of self-pity, resentment and even depression. It did not feel worthy of love. I felt my past would always haunt me; there was no redemption in sight. I was so consumed with the hurt I was feeling, I didn't know how to make things right. I began to make more decisions that lead me to an even darker place. It was then I picked up a book by Joyce Meyers titled "The Battlefield of the Mind." In it, Meyers explores the power of your thoughts and how negative assumptions, unforgiveness, past pain, even words spoken against can lead you to believe certain things about yourself. In turn, your actions and reactions play off of those thoughts.
Luckily for us, The Bible gives us a framework on how to think:
"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is pure, whatever is commendable; if there is anything of excellence or if there is anything praiseworthy--think on these things." (Philippians 4:8)
Thankfully, I came out of that place. But not everyone does.
What are your thoughts saying about your present self or your future self? Or, are your thoughts dwelling on past hurts, past relationships now broken, past sufferings--perhaps even past celebrations? If so, practice training your mind on positive things. Anyone can tell you you're beautiful, talented, amazing, caring or loving. But if you don't believe those things in your mind, your actions will be limited.
I present a challenge to you---the same challenge I present to myself DAILY: Get your mind right!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Submitting Myself
Lately it seems like the circle of circumstance has come to the forefront yet again. Sometimes I feel burned out on life; unhappy with my present, distant from my past and unsure of my future. I remember when I turned 25 a few years ago. I was bent on making for myself a five-year plan. It wasn't long, drawn out or detailed. It was a short list of goals I wanted for myself by the time I reached 30. There were items on my list that included buying my first home, getting married, obtaining a Master's degree, etc. And while those things are great goals to strive towards; in the present state of my life, I've found it hard to look to the next 5 years.
The last year of my life has been a transition period. The last few weeks I've looked at that transition as a sort of grinding exercise: painful but necessary. I've been working a temporary assignment for the last 4 months, unrelated to any work I've done in the past or care to do in the future. I've found that the time I spend at this job eats of the precious time I could spend on things more God-focused including writing on my novel, studying or brainstorming of the many passions God has placed in my heart but I have yet to pursue. I struggle to get up for work every day. I literally thank God at 4:30 p.m. each evening for allowing me the strength, willpower, brain power and tenacity to stay with a job that is a speed bump along me journey. Then I ask myself, is it really a speed bump? Or, is it really just a part of my testimony? Ultimately, yes. I'm learning that the scripture is really true...all things work together for my good.
My boyfriend has encouraged me to pour more into God if I want more out of Him. And he's right (and amazing :) It's not always about you, but always, always, ALWAYS about God. So now I'm learning to pour out instead of trying to pull in. God is always chasing after me but do I really chase after Him? Or am I too focused dwelling on my own insecurities and uncertainties to see the work He is trying to do in my life? I’ve learned a new revelation on what submission means. It means to yield to authority. And because God's authority is far greater than any knowledge I possess, submission is necessary. I'm learning to defer to God in all things. My clarity comes when I submit to Him. Confusion comes when I submit to my own will. I'll ride with God on this...and all things that follow.
Tonight's reflection: Grateful
The last year of my life has been a transition period. The last few weeks I've looked at that transition as a sort of grinding exercise: painful but necessary. I've been working a temporary assignment for the last 4 months, unrelated to any work I've done in the past or care to do in the future. I've found that the time I spend at this job eats of the precious time I could spend on things more God-focused including writing on my novel, studying or brainstorming of the many passions God has placed in my heart but I have yet to pursue. I struggle to get up for work every day. I literally thank God at 4:30 p.m. each evening for allowing me the strength, willpower, brain power and tenacity to stay with a job that is a speed bump along me journey. Then I ask myself, is it really a speed bump? Or, is it really just a part of my testimony? Ultimately, yes. I'm learning that the scripture is really true...all things work together for my good.
My boyfriend has encouraged me to pour more into God if I want more out of Him. And he's right (and amazing :) It's not always about you, but always, always, ALWAYS about God. So now I'm learning to pour out instead of trying to pull in. God is always chasing after me but do I really chase after Him? Or am I too focused dwelling on my own insecurities and uncertainties to see the work He is trying to do in my life? I’ve learned a new revelation on what submission means. It means to yield to authority. And because God's authority is far greater than any knowledge I possess, submission is necessary. I'm learning to defer to God in all things. My clarity comes when I submit to Him. Confusion comes when I submit to my own will. I'll ride with God on this...and all things that follow.
Tonight's reflection: Grateful
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
The Revolution Was Televised
****NOTE: THIS WAS A POST ORIGINALLY WRITTEN ON 2/17/11. I AM NOT SURE WHY IT HADN'T APPEARED ON THE BLOG BEFORE BUT THE IDEAS ARE STILL REFLECTIVE AND RELEVANT 6 MONTHS LATER. ENJOY!****
Millions of people watched in amazement as the Egyptian people stood their ground for days on end about the very thing we as Americans take for granted: freedom.
Thousands of years ago, there was a similar fight fought in Egypt. It was led by a man named Moses who was determined to get his freedom and didn't give up until he got just that.
February is Black History month. It's a time to reflect upon the mile-markers and freedom-fighters of Black America that gave us the priviledge of small victories like drinking out of water fountains with a person of another race of large victories like equal access to a better education in public and private learning institutions. It's a time of education to teach our children that every person of every color can create their own future in color and no longer have to dream and live in black and white.
Let's not forget that although Egypt is vastly categorized as a Middle Eastern nation, it is an African country. So, we watched African history unfold before our eyes. Youtube has memories of it, CNN can loop it and you can replay it on your DVR. History can still be made today. What makes you angry or upset? If you can think of something that is a legitmate cause and concern for your neighborhood, community, city, state or country you have the makings of a revolution. Don't let it sleep or slumber in your heart
What's my revolution? She's sleeping in her bed. I live so my daughter won't have to look to false demonstrations of what her womanhood looks like. I live so she can look in the mirror and truly see herself in the image of God's design and not an artifical reality of what someone said she should be. The anger of seeing young girls doing too much too young drives me to propel myself all the more on their behalf because sometimes, they have no one fighting for them. My efforts will hopefully propel my daughter to be angry enough to be herself in a media-drenched society that aims to tell her who she should be. How will your revolution begin?
And although it may not be as vast and deep as the Egyptians cause. And perhaps it won't cause a long-dominating politician to be driven out of his comfort zone, it could drive you to a step closer to the dream you see for yourself. And those are the dreams that are embedded in what Black history, African history and Egyptian history is all about. So this month, celebrate your legacy and your dreams--no matter what your race or color. And when life gets tough or tries to swallow you whole by routine and complacency, click this link
Remember, the revolution begins with you.
Tonight's reflection: Revolutionary!
Millions of people watched in amazement as the Egyptian people stood their ground for days on end about the very thing we as Americans take for granted: freedom.
Thousands of years ago, there was a similar fight fought in Egypt. It was led by a man named Moses who was determined to get his freedom and didn't give up until he got just that.
February is Black History month. It's a time to reflect upon the mile-markers and freedom-fighters of Black America that gave us the priviledge of small victories like drinking out of water fountains with a person of another race of large victories like equal access to a better education in public and private learning institutions. It's a time of education to teach our children that every person of every color can create their own future in color and no longer have to dream and live in black and white.
Let's not forget that although Egypt is vastly categorized as a Middle Eastern nation, it is an African country. So, we watched African history unfold before our eyes. Youtube has memories of it, CNN can loop it and you can replay it on your DVR. History can still be made today. What makes you angry or upset? If you can think of something that is a legitmate cause and concern for your neighborhood, community, city, state or country you have the makings of a revolution. Don't let it sleep or slumber in your heart
What's my revolution? She's sleeping in her bed. I live so my daughter won't have to look to false demonstrations of what her womanhood looks like. I live so she can look in the mirror and truly see herself in the image of God's design and not an artifical reality of what someone said she should be. The anger of seeing young girls doing too much too young drives me to propel myself all the more on their behalf because sometimes, they have no one fighting for them. My efforts will hopefully propel my daughter to be angry enough to be herself in a media-drenched society that aims to tell her who she should be. How will your revolution begin?
And although it may not be as vast and deep as the Egyptians cause. And perhaps it won't cause a long-dominating politician to be driven out of his comfort zone, it could drive you to a step closer to the dream you see for yourself. And those are the dreams that are embedded in what Black history, African history and Egyptian history is all about. So this month, celebrate your legacy and your dreams--no matter what your race or color. And when life gets tough or tries to swallow you whole by routine and complacency, click this link
Remember, the revolution begins with you.
Tonight's reflection: Revolutionary!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
DEUCES to 2010!
This time last year, I was coasting. I had accepted a promotion at my job and was preparing for new things ahead of me. The end of the year ended with a clear vision of what was in store for me. Little did I know, God had other plans.
I had highs and lows. My promotion did not last a year and my walking papers came in October. A company that was in a hiring frenzy the year before had displaced 150 workers--our jobs outsourced to lower-wage paying workers tens of thousands of miles away in The Philippines. I went from in contract to buy my first home to a stagnant snails place--applying for jobs and telling myself that maybe next year will be my year for a my first home.
So, this December I find myself with no clear direction. I am not sure where I'll be in three months and have no concrete job possibilities on my horizon. But instead of being scared, I'm excited. Fear doesn't capsulate me, hope surrounds me. Sure, I'm a single mother, I have daughter who solely depends on me to support her emotionally, spiritually, financially and academically. The old me might cry every night, followed by hours upon hours of worrying about things I can't change instead of focusing my energy, tears and good sense on the things that are within my control to change. Well, Thank God I'm a new me!
In 2011, I'm not doing the worrying thing. Instead I'll do the trusting God thing.
I'm excited about 2011. I'm excited that God has given me an opportunity to pursue the desires he's given me in a unique way. What better time for me to write a book--a dream I've been sitting on for years but not enough time, energy, ideas and whatever other excuses I could think of to NOT push forward.
It was suggested to me by my mother (she's so smart!) to make a "Casting All My Cares" list. The title is based on the scripture 1 Peter 5:6-7 that reads, "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."
The idea is to write down all of your cares, desires, hopes, aspirations, goals--then (this is the key) give it to God to handle, work out, take care of, etc. My list includes goals like traveling more, publishing my writing, better financial management and closer, consistent communication with close friends. Mine also has two columns. One column is cares I have for myself and the other side is cares I have for family and friends.
History has shown that when I leave circumstances to my own interpretation and attempt to work them out, I failed or faltered miserably--and sometimes repeat the same actions hoping to get a different result. I can't let history repeat itself in that way. I must entrust my present to the one who knows my future.
What are your cares and desires in 2011? Make a "Casting All My Cares" list. Take it a step further and make a vision board for your life. I got this idea from a friend of mine who is creating a visual picture of what she hopes her life will look like this year. Yup, I've got a scriptural reference for this too! Habakkuk 2:2-3 says, "Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."
So, I'm writing it down and making it plain!
In 2011 I'm not worrying...I'm trusting God. DEUCES to 2010!
I had highs and lows. My promotion did not last a year and my walking papers came in October. A company that was in a hiring frenzy the year before had displaced 150 workers--our jobs outsourced to lower-wage paying workers tens of thousands of miles away in The Philippines. I went from in contract to buy my first home to a stagnant snails place--applying for jobs and telling myself that maybe next year will be my year for a my first home.
So, this December I find myself with no clear direction. I am not sure where I'll be in three months and have no concrete job possibilities on my horizon. But instead of being scared, I'm excited. Fear doesn't capsulate me, hope surrounds me. Sure, I'm a single mother, I have daughter who solely depends on me to support her emotionally, spiritually, financially and academically. The old me might cry every night, followed by hours upon hours of worrying about things I can't change instead of focusing my energy, tears and good sense on the things that are within my control to change. Well, Thank God I'm a new me!
In 2011, I'm not doing the worrying thing. Instead I'll do the trusting God thing.
I'm excited about 2011. I'm excited that God has given me an opportunity to pursue the desires he's given me in a unique way. What better time for me to write a book--a dream I've been sitting on for years but not enough time, energy, ideas and whatever other excuses I could think of to NOT push forward.
It was suggested to me by my mother (she's so smart!) to make a "Casting All My Cares" list. The title is based on the scripture 1 Peter 5:6-7 that reads, "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."
The idea is to write down all of your cares, desires, hopes, aspirations, goals--then (this is the key) give it to God to handle, work out, take care of, etc. My list includes goals like traveling more, publishing my writing, better financial management and closer, consistent communication with close friends. Mine also has two columns. One column is cares I have for myself and the other side is cares I have for family and friends.
History has shown that when I leave circumstances to my own interpretation and attempt to work them out, I failed or faltered miserably--and sometimes repeat the same actions hoping to get a different result. I can't let history repeat itself in that way. I must entrust my present to the one who knows my future.
What are your cares and desires in 2011? Make a "Casting All My Cares" list. Take it a step further and make a vision board for your life. I got this idea from a friend of mine who is creating a visual picture of what she hopes her life will look like this year. Yup, I've got a scriptural reference for this too! Habakkuk 2:2-3 says, "Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."
So, I'm writing it down and making it plain!
In 2011 I'm not worrying...I'm trusting God. DEUCES to 2010!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
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